No.17 A Project Pile Up

when projects pile up illustration by @thesmarti

Lately, I'm feeling manic trying to claw my way through projects. I blame it on the fact that I took on too much client work (yay for the finances, boo for personal work). And it doesn't help that I'm like an elephant and will NOT forget a project if it's in my head. I almost don't feel free of it until it's been made. Even if it's not perfect, I just need it out of my head.

And it got me thinking about why this happens, and what kind of strategies I can use to think/feel/act my way out of it.

the one who whimpers illustration by @thesmarti

A daily conversation between me and my partner:

C: "Hey, I'm home! How was your day?"

Me: "Oh, hi! Yea, it was good. I didn't get done as much as I thought I would, or even what I was supposed to do, but look what I made!"

When I have a stack of projects on my desk it doesn't take long before it starts to feel daunting. Like, how can I even get through any of this? Everyone has a different experience with project pile ups. There's the rational stuff - like strategy, logic. And then there's the creative stuff - the emotional flow, inspiration...

On the rational side, it's due to bad time management and poor priorities. I'll confess, I'm not good at keeping it on a gentle daily schedule. I stack days at a time without resting for perspective OR rest too many days in a row. When I feel the crunch, I'll pull long hours and every now and again I will sometimes stay up late into the night to get through a project. (This might be partially due to my peak inspirational hour being in the late afternoon, but I digress.)

In the priorities department, I can also be silly. I treat all my tasks the same which is to say, I'm NOT good at deciding which tasks are priorities (besides client work, of course.) Basically, I throw everything on my list. And if it's on my list, I'm going to try to army crawl my way through it. Not by order of priority, rather by order of can-I-knock-it-off-the-list fast instead of tackling them in hierarchy.

If I was clever I would estimate better how long it takes to write a blog, record a visual brainstorm, sketch this thing, paint that thing, etc. And I would do a daily review of tasks and just shift them over as I move forward. No judgement needed. But man, that's all beyond my experience and patience. I'm just not there...yet.

But creativity is hardly ever just a logic game. Emotionally, I'll feel my way through my projects and some carry more weight than others. A series on my Abuela who passed away is too heavy for me to finish lately. Or a piece that I adore feels too precious for me to go back into and I'd rather see it on my desk - like an old friend to greet me daily! And even still, some projects will never get off my desk until I learn the skills to paint/sculpt/make them when my future self can step into the role.

In other cases, I let inspiration choose me. I'll get in the studio and have things laid out for a particular project, but I'll just slap it off the table like a haughty cat and do something more interesting. So fascinating, right? All I can say is that letting inspiration choose ME is a beautiful feeling. The fluidity of body movement, feeling at peace in my mind, falling into the flow. I have to accept that this is ALSO part of the process.

Maybe on the creative side, it's trusting that intuition is telling me that this is ok? Productivity isn't linear. Maybe it comes in cycles. There are periods when I will be active. There are times when I'll need to rest. There are things that will come easily and some that will be hard won. Maybe I don't have to put judgement on it - maybe it just is.

RATIONAL STRATEGIES

1. Get a better planning breakdown, spend time detailing out each project and keep it front and center so one can see what it actually takes to finish.

2. Keep a strict schedule - put away phone, block hours, use pomodoro, take breaks, etc.

EMOTIONAL STRATEGIES

1. Acknowledging my feelings. "Ok, mind, we are feeling anxious/sad/angry about these projects. This is what anxiety/sadness/anger feels like. Let's just peek our head into one and calculate what's actually in the mix." Maybe acknowledging my feelings will take away the sting of the feeling when I'm stepping into a project?

2. Practicing enoughness. Can I find gratefulness in making the smallest of progress? Can I let go of the pressure to finish? Can I accept that the act of trying is the only thing that matters? Isn't there beauty in the wanting to finish but not being done? Is there a place where I can feel softness for the human need of a finished project without giving into the pressure?

the one who looks weird illustration by @thesmarti

Project pile ups happen. I hope it's something I get better at as time goes on. Hopefully I learn better skills, or find new ways of emotionally immersing. At the very least, I'm reframing these pile-ups as being so excited for buffet of life that I put too much on my plate. That's ok. It's naive and wonderful and silly and forgivable.

Here's hoping you find strategies or softness in your project pile-ups too,

smarti